Heaven or Hell
by Tripenguinman
Summary: Private has been a cheerful loveable penguin. But what is hidding in that mask of happiness? Misery, sorrow, pain, and torment. Written by me and my friend; Skullshovel. Please review.


This story was written by, me Tripenguinman, and Skullshovel. Please enjoy.

HEAVEN OR HELL

Private looked out at the storming night. It was the prefect mood for what he was about to do. Keeping to the shadows to stay incognito, he looked at the penguin habitat ahead. Rain was falling in large spatters much as the blood would run tonight. He knew he would never be the little, helpless penguin he had been. But this was a different kind of night. He would no longer live at the Central Park zoo, but somewhere much farther away and harder to get to. He walked slowly. He wanted this to take as long as it could. He knew that these would be the some of the last steps he'd take here and he had one of two destinations set in mind but for what he was about to do, he didn't know weather he would go to the latter or the better, for which he hoped. Oh well, nobody's prefect. He didn't want to wake the other penguins but he just wanted to see them for the last time. He had already said his silent good-byes to everyone else. They were all sleep. Some of his last steps here...

Although, he wanted to show his friends how he was leaving, he wanted to be close enough to do this. He had to find a place in the zoo where they can easily find him. Then the idea hit him, the Zoovenir Shop. No one was going to come to the zoo the next day so he didn't have to worry about any human screams. All he wanted to do was just leave this place for good, no turning back. He didn't show any feeling in doing so but then he wanted to know, how would he actually do this? Which way did he want to leave?

Well, he'd find something in Kowalski's lab. He vaulted over the fence and noticed the spikes on the edges. Hmmm.... that could work but how could he get them going fast enough? Nah, that was a stupid thing to use. What the hell was he thinking? He supposed he was just a little thick headed because of his anxiousness. Well actually it was damn horror but he wanted to leave more than he was afraid of this. He swam in the pool for a couple of laps, cherishing his last laps here. No more training. It hurt to think about that but where he was going, either of the two destinations, he wouldn't need that. He hoped.

"That's enough." he muttered to himself and leapt out on the concrete island. "God, I'm gonna miss this place."

But he hated the life he was leading now. He needed to get out and he needed to lead a new one. Hell, it needed to get out now but he was too weak not to give at least a silent good-bye.

None of the animals knew his pain. Everything that was inside of him was just pain, torment, and suffering. All he could do was stay happy, but where did that get him? All he had to do was just take the road less traveled, even if it meant something drastic. Private just walked into Kowalski's lab quietly, not awaking the penguins. He looked around for anything lethal that he could use. He then looked at a scalpel, could he use that? "No too pointless..." Private whispered to himself. He looked around more and found some wires, he could hang himself. "No way...too much." Then he began to look around the place more.

Hmm..... what could he use to do this? He could see a pair of scissors. Oh damn it was a long shot but to hell with pain, for Christ's sake he was going through pain now! And so he picked it up and held it carefully. He wanted this to be quick and clean. No screw ups. He decided this was the time to say the good-byes. He felt his stomach tighten and his eyes began to water. Then the thoughts of turning back came back into his head. He had pushed them away so many times but this was the hardest time. He didn't have to do this. Yet he did. He didn't want to do this. And yet he had too. He took the scissors, splayed the blades and cut his left flipper twice. Focus! That was the point of the cuts but he realized it was sort of a preparation for what was coming. He slashed himself twice more and then grabbed a tissue and cleaned the blood off the blades. The stinging in his arm was forgotten as he approached the other penguins. He couldn't wake them up. But maybe a peck on the forehead and a hug for each would suffice.

All he could do was just wave at them silently with the intact flipper. He then looked at Skipper, he's sure gonna miss him. Private was the team player to Skipper, but now who cares. He didn't want to care anymore. He just wanted to leave this place. He waddled to Skipper quietly and gave him a quick hug. Not using the flipper he cut himself with. The pain was so intense, but he didn't want to care. He just wanted to be put out of his misery. The misery he had been hiding inside his innocent penguin body. Private waddled back into Kowalski's lab and to the scissors. He was sure gonna miss the HQ, he could imagine the sorrow without him, but it was too late for that, he just wanted to go and not speak to anyone. Like he's going to meet them where he's going. He just wanted to know where exactly, and he wanted to make sure that no one will follow him there, and he will not see them again.

He whispered the words he had never though he'd say to his friends, his family. They were painful in his heart to say. God knew it.

"Good-bye; Skippah, Kowalski, Rico.... all of you." he said and turned away.

Leaving this zoo a virgin was never something he had ever planned to do, but then again he had never planned on leaving the zoo. The walk to the shop would be long. So he recovered his thoughts and went back to his memories. Marlene would be a person he'd miss the most. He'd always been in love with her. He had said a good-bye but he knew it wasn't enough. He went back to her habitat and promised himself he'd do this lightly. She was snoring loudly but she had little breaks where she breathed normally. That was what he had to wait for. He bent down beside her face and waited for this. When it finally came, he had a little trouble forcing himself to do it because of his old politeness, but he kept telling himself that he'd love it. So with that he moved closer and placed his beak against her lips. He did this so lightly at first but he gained a greedy, hungry, lust as he kissed her and he began to lose control. He pressed harder and even added his tongue. Finally he pulled away with much reluctance. She hadn't even wakened.

Private couldn't resist Marlene's love. He never told her that he liked her; all he ever did was just acted like a friend to her. He didn't like to show his love to her, nor did he want the other penguins to know about it. But what was on his mind now was that he had to leave. He gave Marlene a peck on the forehead and then turned out and left the habitat. He then continued walking where he now found himself near the lemur habitat.

Ah hell, he would miss those Lemurs. He decided to just take a peek at them and then go and finish what God had started. He looked in at them and saw Julian a sleep on his throne, Mort curled around his feet and Maurice against the boom box. Yeah he'd miss them but that was no reason to stay. He left, going over his thoughts and remembering his life and how it had truly and purely been a good life. But that was before. Now it truly and purely sucked. He headed toward the shop and felt his stomach tighten. It would be doing a lot more than that within a few moments. But he kept thinking it didn't have to end this way. But that was BS. Of course it had to. He had to do this. For his own sake. And so he reached the building.

He walked in and looked around; making sure no one was watching him. He took the scissors he grabbed, and placed them on the bottom of the barrel of stuffed animals. He placed the scissors so it'll point to his chest and make everything quick. This was his only way out, there was no turning back. He had no words for this, only the words, "Goodbye for good." going through his mind. He felt his eyes water. Was he crying? Why would he cry for something he wanted? He didn't care anymore. He just wanted to leave with no questions asked. He didn't care about anything at this point. Screw it, he thought to himself. Then the words left his beak, "Goodbye everyone." and proceeded to push him forward.

And then with a want he had never felt before, he slammed himself into the scissors. He gasped and fell on his side. The scissors point had missed his heart and gone into his right lung. Yes this was fatal. He knew it but he also knew this meant regretting time. He wanted this, oh yeah he wanted it but it still pulled tears. He decided that maybe watching himself die would be better so he turned to a nearby mirror. He looked at the penguin who stared back and surprise filled him. Yes he saw the scissors sticking out of his chest, yes he saw the blood splattered on the ground and dripping from his wound, but there was so much fear in the eyes that stared back and not of hell. Yes he feared going to hell for the things he had done and what he had just done to himself. But there was another kind of fear in those eyes that he couldn't recognize. Maybe fear he had made a mistake? A damn huge one if it was. And then everyone flooded back to his mind and he realized that this wasn't right. That he had just done a great sin. "Oh God help me." That was the final thing he managed to whisper and then he went limp. Dead. Gone. Little Private was dead.

Skipper then awakened from the alarm clock. He turned it off and then looked up, "Time to wake up men!" He barked. Kowalski and Rico jumped from their beds and then Skipper noticed something strange, Private wasn't among the group. "Private wake up!" Skipper barked, but when he looked at the bunk, no one was there. "Where's Private?" Skipper asked Kowalski and Rico. Rico just shrugged, "I don't think he could've gotten far..." Kowalski said. Then was interrupted by a scream from Marlene. It came from the Zoovenir Shop. "Marlene. Men! Private will probably turn up! We'll have to investigate what the screaming was." Skipper ordered. Then the trio jumped through the fish bowl entrance and toward the Zoovenir Shop to find a horrible display.

"Holly Shit! Private!" Skipper screamed and looked at the dead penguin on the floor.

Marlene was curdle in a ball, sobbing. Skipper felt tears spring to his eyes and he was done, hugging her, crying with just as much intensity. Kowalski and Rico started weeping as well and fell into a friendly hug together. Skipper pulled away from Marlene and picked up the little penguin and cradled him in his flippers. He rocked back and forth, crying over their fallen team member. But more than a team member. A complicated young penguin with a heart. Skipper wanted to blame someone. He wanted to hunt someone down and kill them, but he knew Private had done this to himself. And he could only blame himself. And as he cradled the poor boy, he thought of his dream last night. Private, had been his son, grown up and the team leader, and Skipper was sitting back and supervising. He had always wanted that for Private. And he sank his head into the little penguin's chest feathers knowing that his dreams were dashed for Private, and that his little penguin would never make that future. Where was he? Living his life out in Heaven, or burning in Hell? Skipper could only cry. And think of what to do next. But there was nothing. Nothing but to kill himself. But that was work for another day. Now was the job of burying his little Private. He kissed the small forehead. And hugged the body harder. Unable to part with it, or think about life without Private.


End file.
